


I heard my eyes are blue like the ocean

by Shadowcat221b



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bullying, Destiel - Freeform, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sabriel - Freeform, cursing, douche!John Winchester, or somewhere in the middle, schmoop ( I think ), sorry I still don´t know how to tag ;), very brief mention of self-harm in chapter 4, well in the end at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-26 07:37:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2643569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat221b/pseuds/Shadowcat221b
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a universe where you only see in black and white until you have skin to skin contact with your soulmate, Dean expected to some day meet a girl and see that she has brown hair as he takes her hand for the first time.<br/>What he gets instead is a burst of colors when he joins the bullies to beat up the weird kid who has the name of an angel.<br/>Seeing the life his father drilled him into wanting shatter to pieces, what will happen?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Black

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my friends](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+friends), [my Dad](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+Dad), [and of course the lovely person on tumblr who came up with the ff that inspired me to write this one](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=and+of+course+the+lovely+person+on+tumblr+who+came+up+with+the+ff+that+inspired+me+to+write+this+one).



> Hi dear reader,  
> just one quick note to explain this au.  
> This work was inspired by an ff on tumblr where people could just see certain colors unless they are touching people. Then their colors add up.  
> In this au you just see black and white (like in all the old movies I love so dear ;) unless you touch your soulmate. Yet the more your relationship evolves, the longer you can see colors without skin to skin contact.  
> Enjoy. Oh and this is un-beta´d, I am sorry for any mistakes.  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat

There was a new kid in school.

Castiel Novak knew because he happened to be in the same class as the newbie. The new one was taller than him, well build, had even features, hair that was a light shade of grey and had to be what the illuminated, the ones who had found their soul mates and therefore could see color, called  _blond._ Oh they had so many names for colors Castiel only knew as various shades of grey, differed by their closeness to black and white. Castiel wished for the day he would be able to name all these colors he heard about, like _emerald green_ or _flaming red_ or the _blue of the summer sky_ , while seeing them with his own eyes.  
When he had been younger his mother had told him that he had eyes that looked as if they were part of the ocean, a shade of grey he knew as _blue_. And she told him about the trees and the grass and that their color was called  _green_. And Castiel had asked when he would be able to see all these colors by himself, without worrying about if the shade was closer to black or white. And his mother had smiled and had said that it would be soon. That he would soon see the _golden_ light of the sun, the  _rose_ of roses and the _blue_ of his own eyes.

When he was six, his father left without a word, without a goodbye and soon he noticed that his mothers world was fading back to grey. When he was 11 his mother got swallowed up by all the dark grey sorrounding her. Ever since Cas has lived with his brother Gabriel, who takes care of him best as he can. Gabriel was fun to be around, a trickster, joking and a bubble of joy. But there were also moments when he turned serious, showing Castiel a side he barely showed anyone.

Now six years later, as Cas was almost seventeen (he was a November child) and in his junior year in high school, he had already endured his fair share of 'teasing'. Being a quiet, thoughtful person who always appeared to be older than he actually was, he quickly was labeled a weirdo. This led to being slammed into a locker on almost a daily basis, which he took emotion and reactionless. Sometimes, but only if the bullies, like Alastair, had a really bad day, they would beat him up. Making it even more difficult was the fact that Cas didn´t show any interest in girls, what so ever, what earned him the title of 'fag'.

Now as the door opened and the new kid, Dean Winchester or something, hurried in, Castiel didn´t think anything remarkable would change.

And for the first three days it didn´t.

* * *

 

Dean Winchester grew up taking care of his little brother Sammy after his mom passed away when he was four. His father had never told him anything about colors and Dean hadn´t asked. What is father told him about was that he had to be a man. Every time Dean was close to falling apart because taking care of his brother whom he loved like nothing else and being loyal to a father that was almost never home wore him down, his father told he had to man up.  
As he turned old enough, somewhere around the age of 14, his father started to tell him that he had to 'find a girl' and 'have kids' and be a 'real man who loves his little queen'. Dean didn´t understand that his father was trying to get him to live the life that he himself had loved and lost. He only knew that he had to find the girl who showed him colors.

Now after they had moved from Kansas to Illinois in his junior year when he was sixteen he was determined to find the one. No matter how many bad dates it would cost him.

 

The second day of school he noticed the almost black haired kid that was teased by his new buddy Alastair. Alastair was a quite intimidating person, whose sympathies Dean tried to gain because he had to focus on finding his girl, like John always told him. He didn´t have time for fights with the populars. With that in mind he reluctantly agreed to go and beat that kid up at his third day of school. Alastair called it his 'initiation'.

Dean sighed.

* * *

Cas was just outside the school building when he was met by four people. Alastair, two guys he still couldn´t name, he just called them clone 1 and 2 and that new one, Dean.

Cas heart started to beat a little faster, not because he was afraid of them but rather because he was angry. This was so damn stupid. He was angry with them for bullying him and even more angry with himself because he didn´t stop them.

Before he could turn on his heel and run, clones 1 and 2 grabbed his arms, 1 yanking down his school bag and tossing it aside.

»Well, well, well, fagstiel, long time no see«, Alastair snarled with a smug expression. »Winchester, first punch is yours. Make it count.« And then he f*cking winked at Dean.

* * *

Dean didn´t want to do this, he really didn´t. But he couldn´t stop himself from clenching his fingers into a fist and raising it to land the first hit on that poor boys face. Somehow he felt as if he could release all the anger that had dwelled up inside him over the past weeks because of the move and his stupid ass father.

Trying to flash a short apology with his eyes at the other kid, a 'I am sorry, this isn´t really for you', he saw him closing his eyes, an expression like a 'just get it over with' marring his actually pretty features.

So he raised that fist, aimed at the boy´s jaw and hit.

As his fingers hit skin his world burst into color.


	2. Dark Grey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos and bookmarked this already :)  
> I love you guys. You are the best :)  
> Thx,  
> the shadowcat

For the first time in Castiel´s life the pain he felt shooting through his body wasn´t bright grey. It was _red_ , _flaming red_ , as his head was thrown back at the impact, yet quickly faded when the connection was lost.

* * *

 Dean was going nuts. The blinding colors he had seen were disappearing and he acted on instinct with his next move, to caught up in keeping his facade on so Alastair wouldn´t know the truth. He grabbed the others face to pull him upright, colors flaring once again.

The other had his eyes still closed, face blank and Dean was fighting a war inside himself. The side desperate for approval and loyalty to the believes that had been drilled into him won.  
This time he tried to put less force into his punch. He could already see the _pink, red, purple_ and  _blue_ bruises form at the others face.

He felt a sickening twist of guilt in his guts, rage and sadness that the first colors he saw were blossoming out of pain.

He saw how the others bottom lip split open, the liquid spilling out of it. He once had heard blood was _red_. He never knew it was such a rich and deep color. And now he wished he would never have known.

* * *

Castiel kept his eyes shut as the next hits met his face and body, felt his lip split open accompanied by blinding  _yellow_ and _red_ in front of a _dark dark blue_ in the background.  
Beneath the pain and the clones restraining him he could feel Dean´s fingertips on his face.  
And even through the haze Cas could sense that Dean was afraid.

* * *

Eventually Dean let go. And same as he did the colors. The others face was bruised and started to swell, blood dripping from his lip. Dean turned to Alastair trying his best to appear composed and cool, growled a 'ya happy' towards him and grabbed his back pack.  
He went without looking back, concentrating not to break.  
He didn´t see yet heard the other being pushed to the ground, Alastair kicking him.  
He kept walking.  
He bit back tears while his world faded back to grey within seconds.  
But he still remembered the colors. Remembered the _deep red_ of blood, the, what was its name again,  _purple_ of the bruises, the paleness of the others skin. His almost  _black_  hair.  
Remembered the light of the sun, the dirty _brown_ (?) of the ground and the sky that he thought might be  _blue_.

He remembered them. He craved them. He craved the other.

And he hated himself for it and buried his new born dreams deep inside of him.

He wasn´t going to break. He wasn´t.

* * *

When Castiel came home, moving his aching body over to his room, he was stopped by his brother Gabriel who was currently bouncing up and down.

»Cassie, Cassie, Cassie, you will never guess wh **at happened to you?** «, his voice now laced with concern.

»The usual«, Cas replied tiredly.

» **I am going to kill that a*-** « »Gabe, calm down, just tell me what big news you got.«

Gabriel´s eyes turned sad at the sight of his brother hurting like this, but he decided he would come if he wanted him to solve his problems.

»Ok, sit down, actually it happened yesterday, but I wanted to be really sure, so here goes nothing«, his smile was back in place even if not as bright as before.

»I, Gabriel Novak, 19 years of age, trickster and best big brother in the world, can now assure you that oreos come in a _light blue/ dark blue_ package.«

»Aha«, was all Cas would say.

»I can assure you because I have seen it with my own eyes.«

Castiel needed a few seconds to process that information. Then his mouth fell open.

»You.. when... who... how... **what**?«, was everything he managed to articulate.

»Yesterday I bumped into this kiddo at Walmart and we grasped onto each other to steady ourselves and then everything turned into all these incredible shades of color. And then I saw that kid, shaggy brown hair and eyes that can´t decide wether to be green or brown and I just knew. 13 years old I think and I mean if we wait it isn´t that much of a difference... And dimples, Cas, dimples! God, Sammy is so damn adorable!«

* * *

About the same time not far away Dean searched for distraction. His initial plan of watching day-time TV and therefore forcing his braincells into mass suicide failed due to his little brother Sammy who desperately wanted to tell him something.

»Deeeeeaaaan?«

»What?«

»I wanna tell ya something.«

»What?«

»Your eyes are incredibly green.«

»Aha. Wait, what?«

»Your eyes. They´re green. Just like the grass outside. And your hair is almost golden.«

»Did Dad tell you this?«

»No. I saw it myself.«

Slowly, Dean turned his head to his brother. The grin on little Sammy´s face was bright enough to lighten up the darkest cave.

»Oh my God, who is the lucky girl?«, Dean asked pushing his own uneasiness aside.

Sam blushed.

»C'mon Sammy, tell me.«

»Her name is Gabriella. I ran into her when I was grocery shopping yesterday.  She is older than me...«

»Sammy, a woman with experience«, Dean smirked. »How much older?«

»She is 19«, Sam mumbled.

Dean whistled. »Well, well, anyway, I am happy for you Sammy. Must be incredible to see in color. How long does it last when you are not together?«

»We only met twice, but I think something around five minutes or so?«, Sam blushed even more.

**Five minutes,** Dean thought. Five  **f*cking** minutes.  
His colors had barely lasted twenty seconds after he lost contact.

»Bring her over for dinner sometime«, Dean winked. »She seems like one hell of a girl.«

»Yeah«, Sam murmured. »Yeah she is.«

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-beta´d and written during school...  
> I hope you liked it. R&R please, what do you think of the sabriel storyline?  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat


	3. Grey- A sabriel interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thx to everyone who read, left kudos and/or commented :*  
> Love you all :)  
> the shadowcat

The next day was hell for Dean. He didn´t know what he expected, maybe waking up from this really bad dream. But he didn´t. Instead Alastair flung his arm around his shoulder telling him all the details about how they had kicked the other boy until he could only crawl.  
And even though Dean wanted to puke his guts all over Alastair and then beat the living shit out of him, he kept his game face on, a grin that contradicted his true feelings incredibly well.  
The other wasn´t in school that day, nor the next and then there already was the weekend.  
Sam spent most of his time with Gabriella, so Dean was alone.  
And while Sam came back practically glowing with joy, Dean couldn´t bring himself to be happy for him. He wanted to, really did, but his own anguish had taken hold of him.

* * *

 Sam sat in a small diner one town over opposite 'Gabriella' who was currently holding his hand.

»So how is your brother?«, he asked.

»He is getting better. His ribs are healing quite well, Tuesday he should be in school again. But I tell you the bruises are still... I don´t know how to describe them. Except for the one on his jawline they all can be covered by a shirt though... Now tell me about yours«, Gabriel sighed, thumb stroking gently over Sam´s knuckles.

Sam huffed: »He´s... sad, I think. I suppose it has something to do with the move and Dad and school... He won´t talk about it but I know something is eating him up.«

Soon after they changed the topic, talking about everything that came to mind, books, movies, tv shows, music and one of Gabriel´s favorites: Candy.

* * *

 

After they had finished it was late afternoon, already getting dark. They stood beside a street light, not wanting to part.

»You wanna go to the movies sometime, kiddo?« Gabriel smiled fondly at Sam.

»Sure«, was the answer. Then Sam looked down at his shoes and from there to their still intertwined fingers. As he finally lifted his gaze up to meet Gabriel´s, his eyes were insecure and his voice shy:  
»I... I wondered, because, well, you know... if you... would kiss me sometime?«

Now he was blushing and Gabriel found it incredibly adorable. He had known this question would be asked sooner or later. And he had thought about his answer a lot. Deep down he had known it all along.

»I guess sometime is now,right?«, he said,voice warm with affection.

»I wish it was«, came Sam´s almost inaudible reply.

Gabriel lifted his hand up to brush his fingertips carefully over Sam´s cheekbone and tangle them in his shaggy brown hair. The boy leaned into the touch, hazel eyes shining with hope.  
»Just kissing, nothing more until you´re older«, Gabriel stated. »But I think it would be nice to kiss you at least a few times before I have to lean up.« Gabriel winked.

Sam looked at him quite puzzled.

»C´mon kiddo, you are almost as tall as me already, you´re gonna grow up to be a giant.«

Then he leaned in to taste the smile on Sam´s lips.

* * *

It was chaste and gentle and oh so sweet and fit every cliche Sam had ever heard concerning kissing your soulmate. Sam loved it, loved the feel of Gabriel´s lips against his, the warmth spreading within him, that as they reluctantly pulled apart he was met by Gabriel´s whiskey colored eyes. He had seen whiskey back at Walmart while his colors started to fade and thought it was a good description of Gabriel`s eyes.

»How about Wednesday, 4 pm, we meet right here?«, he asked, still a little lightheaded.

»I will be here«, Gabriel assured him. »G´night little moose.« He quickly pecked Sam on the lips who chuckled because of the nickname.

»Moose? I can live with that. G´night Gabe.«

After they let go, the colors stayed for 12 whole minutes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don´t fret my dear destiel shippers, next chapter will be destiel again.  
> Sabriel shippers I hope you liked this :)  
> R&R please ;)  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat


	4. Light Grey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:  
> This chapter will contain mentions of self-harm. It will be attempted but not went through with. The lines in question are in brackets like this [...] so you can skip them if you want.
> 
> Thank you for reading my stories and thanks for the kudos ;)  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat

Even though returned to school the next week, Dean somehow managed to avoid him over for the next months. He ignored the bruises on the others face. The way he slouched over, how he was sometimes missing from school for a few days again and Alastair being so sickening smug about it.  
Every day he felt worse, every day he fought to get up again and every day he chose to ignore the other. When his Dad came home he gave Dean the 'Son you look bad, but don´t worry, once you found your girl everything will be brighter'-speech. Sam didn´t mention Gabriella when John was around, but wouldn´t shut up about her when he wasn´t. Dean felt as if his little brother was scared their Dad would find out about her. He wondered why, but had no clue. Maybe Sam just wanted to save him the embarrassment of his four years younger brother having found his mate before him. He didn´t know.  
One day, sometime in February, Dean´s depression reached its peak.  
[He locked himself up in his room, reached for his knife, rolled up his sleeve and put the blade on his skin. He tried to force his hand to move, to cut his flesh, he wanted to see the blood, to feel the pain. But  he couldn´t. He couldn´t bring himself to.]  
He broke down crying, hating himself even more than ever.  
He kept existing and every day he died a little more inside.

* * *

This lasted until March. Then their teachers decided to make a small camping trip into the woods, because 'the youth of today needed some air'.  
And the trip was with compulsory attendance. So far the damage.  
But then the teachers decided to pair them up for the tents.  
And that´s how Dean and Cas ended up in the middle of a forrest sharing a small tent for two.

* * *

After they all had gathered in the small clearing where they would be staying, they were supposed to build their tents. Dean was quite good at it, his father had once taken him on some hunting trips when he was younger, so he knew a thing or two.

»D-«,Castiel spoke up, just to be cut off by a harsh »Don´t!« from Dean. Without further acknowledging Castiel´s existence Dean snatched the tent and started putting it up.

Eight minutes later the tent stood near the edge of the clearing.

* * *

 Castiel soon excused himself from the bonfire. He went into the tent, unrolled his sleeping bag, lay down and tried to sleep.

As it turned out, he wasn´t able to.

Some where around midnight Dean stumbled into the tent. Cas heard him rustle as Dean tried to get comfortable.

»Dean?«, he asked quietly.

No response.

»Dean!«, he asked again, this time louder.

»WHAT?«, Dean snapped.

Cas turned around. He was faced with the sight of Dean´s back.

»I want to ask something of you.«

»Why? And what do you think gives you the right to ask anything of me?«, Dean´s voice was strained and stirred something inside Cas that almost felt like anger.

»Because you owe me.«

Silence. Or so Castiel thought.

»You owe me for beating me up and then acting as if I wouldn´t exist. Especially because of us.. being... you know...«, he clarified.

This time the response was loud enough for him to hear it.

»Fine«, Dean whispered. »What is it?«

* * *

 

»I want to see the colors again.«

This statement filled Dean with incredible dread. And even the next words, »Just for a few minutes, but I want to see them«, could ease it away.  
Reluctantly Dean sat up and turned until he was facing Castiel, or at least remotely facing him, because he had closed his eyes. If Castiel wanted to see the colors, fine, but that didn´t mean he had to.

»Isn´t it a bit too dark in here to see colors?«, he said, trying to will his discomfort down.

»Don´t worry I turned on my flashlight«, was the simple reply.

»Then go ahead«, Dean mumbled, waiting for the inevitable.

He flinched as one of Castiel´s fingertips grazed his cheekbone, kept his eyes shut tight and gave his best to stay composed.

He heard Castiel huff out something that felt laced with amazement, while curious fingers gently stroked his face, cradled it, fingertips traveling across the bridge of his nose, his cheekbones and forehead.  
Dean was to weirded out by the fact that he could practically feel Castiel´s amazement to feel uncomfortable by being observed this way.  
His breath hitched when he felt Castiel´s hands frame his face, drawing him in. Felt his heart stutter as Castiel leaned in closer, warm breath ghosting over Dean´s skin.

This was it. Dean was certain. When Castiel would close that final distance between them, would touch their lips together, Dean would break apart entirely. Every little thing he had tried to grasp onto would vanish and he would fall apart.

But Castiel proved him wrong.

He leaned their foreheads together, breathing evenly and calm, before he slowly brushed their noses, affectionate and so incredibly sad, to then drew away. The warmth of him gone, Dean broke. He shattered into a million pieces, the weight of it all, his father, his guilt and the bond with Castiel crushing him.

* * *

 

Castiel had no idea how long they both sat there, not moving and not saying a word before Dean croaked: »Was it worth it?«

»Yes«, Castiel murmured. »Yes it was. There are tiny flecks of gold on your face, you know.«

Again that crushing silence.

»Why didn´t you kiss me?«, Dean said barely audible.

»Because everything about you yelled 'DON`T' at me. So I didn´t«, Cas voice was calm.

»Would you?«, now Cas was almost sure he imagined Dean´s voice.

»I don´t know.«

»k«, was everything he heard before Dean retreated back into his former position, back turned to Cas.

Both didn´t sleep well that night.

* * *

 

When Cas woke up Dean was still asleep.

When Dean woke up Cas was already somewhere else, doing his activities, so Dean did his. He listened to Alastair teasing him about sharing a tent with fagstiel.

He saw Castiel at the bonfire that evening but once more didn´t spare him a second glance.

When he slipped back into the tent around midnight again all he wanted to do was sleep.

But that wasn´t going to happen...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there´s that. This chapter was pretty hard to write, so please give me some feed back. Three more chapters to go I think...  
> Thx for reading, please R&R and this is un-beta´d like usual.  
> Sorry for the cliff hanger my mom keeps bragging on that I have to go to bed :(  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat


	5. White

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for all your comments and kudos, I love you all.  
> I am sorry I haven´t updated sooner and as I promised two days ago, but school was a b*tch and so was this chapter... Well not really ;) It is a bit ooc like the previous one I think. Dear sabriel shippers, don´t you fret, you will get a treat next chapter :)  
> the shadowcat

»We need to talk«, Castiel stated matter of factly.

Dean cringed. He knew this conversation was inevitable. But that didn´t mean that he wanted to have it.

»No idea what about«, he deflected as he already tried to flee from the tent.

Castiel reacted fast. He grabbed Dean´s wrist, holding him still.

Dean´s wrist was encircled by Castiel´s warm fingers, thumb resting at the back of his hand.

»Really?«, Castiel´s voice dropped an octave, something threatening and intimidating in it.  
As sharp and intimidating as Castiel´s  _bright blue_ eyes Dean noted.

»Not a clue at all?«, Castiel growled. As he got no reaction he huffed out: »You are even more fucked up than I thought.«

Dean did his best to keep his breathing even and calm, despite the rage shooting through his veins, the colors blinding him, and the embarrassment that he felt a bit aroused.

»Let go of me!«, he hissed through gritted teeth.

Castiel shook his head. »Not before we settled and sorted this.«

Dean pulled at his wrist, trying to wiggle himself out of the iron like grasp Castiel had on him.

»No«, Castiel was calm, determination in his voice.

After a few seconds of holding his gaze Dean surrendered.

»Fine!«, he spat out.

»Good«, Castiel let go of his wrist, making himself comfortable. Reluctantly Dean did the same, while he loathed himself for missing the warm touch of the others fingertips against his skin.

* * *

 

Silence.

This unbearable silence.

»What are you waiting for? If you want to talk then talk now or I will go.«

»I was wondering how long it would take the colors to fade this time. Until then I was going to cherish them as much as I could.«

»Well, I ain´t in the mood chuckles, so spill the beans«, Dean felt his facade crumbling further.

The words earned him a sigh from Castiel.  
As he answered he used that voice again, that gravelly dominant voice that made Dean´s dick twitch with interest and stirred something deep within himself. God, he hated that voice. Or so he tried to make himself believe.

»You should show me some respect.«

Dean shivered. The words were definite and he wasn´t going to argue.  
And within seconds he fell to pieces, Cas words being the last straw- He felt sick. Everything he did was constantly letting people down. He let down his father by failing to find his girl, by illuminating with a guy instead. He let down his brother by failing to be a role model. And he failed his soulmate by being the most arrogant douchebag in all history. He failed him by rejecting him from the very first second. He was a complete failure. He felt sick.

* * *

As soon as Cas words had left his mouth he had regretted them. Not entirely but a bit. Dean´s eyes were rapidly losing focus, staring into nothingness. Cas could feel Dean drowning and drifting away.

It took him a few moments to cut through that haze of pain, but eventually he got through.

»Hey, hey, Dean!«, his voice steady he held Dean´s chin in a firm grip until the other lifted his eyes.

Cas searched his face as the others pupils focused again.

»I am sorry«, Dean whispered. »I am sorry. I won´t bother you again.«

For a couple of seconds Cas didn´t know what to say.

  
Then: »All I wanted for you is to pick a side. Either not talking to me and ignoring my existence like you did almost the entire time. But then forget me and don´t beat yourself up about us like you do now. Or talking to me and deal with it. I don´t know what shit controls you right now, but I can´t take anymore of this crap.«

Dean nodded. And for whatever crazy thing took over his mind then Castiel kissed him.

* * *

Both froze as their lips touched. Castiel was the first to come to his senses and tried to draw back, but Dean mumbled something and chased his mouth. Cas gave in, meeting him again, warm lips soft and pliant under his own.

Dean tentatively cupped Castiel´s face and edged closer as their lips started moving against one another. Cas traced his tongue over Dean´s bottom lip and captured it with his own and was rewarded with a soft moan. Dean opened up, allowing Cas to explore further, meeting his tongue with enthusiasm. They curled around each other, sweet and slick and perfect. Somehow Dean ended up straddling Cas´thighs, his hands buried in the others dark hair, while Cas hands were on his hips, grounding him and sneaking under the hem of his shirt. When they parted for air, both panting against the others face, they rested their foreheads against one another.

»I am sorry, I don´t know what I am doing, I don´t know what to do,I-shit«, Dean began to ramble, before Cas stopped him.

»What did you say before you kissed me?«, he interrupted.

»I chose the latter. I have no idea how, but I chose the latter.«

Cas kissed him again then, trying to kiss away all the hurt in the others voice.

* * *

They ended up in a tangle of limbs in Cas´sleeping bag. Cas´hand rested on Dean´s stomach and drew small nonsense patterns, while Dean had one hand still buried in the others hair twirling the messy strands. Their lips were kiss swollen and even in the dark Castiel could see the _emerald green_ of Dean´s eyes.

»I don´t get it. I don´t get how you could still be nice to me.«

»I figured it would make it easier to resolve this conflict than meeting your aggression with the same. I am mad at you. Incredibly mad for putting me through all this, but I also know that it ain´t easy on you either. Does that make any sense?«

»Think so... You really are something special. In a good way I mean«, Dean added hastily.

»Glad to hear that.«

Then again silence.

* * *

 

The next time Dean spoke up it wasn´t a question. The next words were a fumbled attempt to explain his situation to Cas, to get him to understand. Dean figured that Cas did understand, even his nonsense ramble, because he was Cas. Dean wondered why he had fought this so long. This feeling of someone really entirely understanding him.

Dean was choking on the words, he had never been good at talking. Cas somehow knew that. And he didn´t care. Here in the safety of his tent, Dean finally opened up, the emotions that had chained him up pouring out of him. The only thing that still gave Cas an odd feeling in his gut was the question what would happen in the morning, when they had to leave the tent and their tiny haven behind.

But right now he lay there, Dean´s warmth beside him, listening to his story, slowly drifting to sleep after he had finished.

That night was the first that they dreamed in color. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go again un-beta'd, R&R appreciated, two more chapters to go and I might write a sequel :)  
> Love and pie,  
> the shadowcat


	6. Bluegreen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn´t update sooner, last week of school is stressfull and then the holidays and christmas and argh, stress, stress, stress...oh and a lovely writers block (note the sarcasm ;) well, all in all I am terribly sorry I didn´t update sooner.  
> Anyway, here it is, hope you like it ;)

Dean woke up with a strong arm flung across his torso, pulling him flush against the others chest. Still drowsy with sleep he snuggled further into the comforting heat until he felt Cas´nose nuzzling his ear and warm breath ghosting across his skin.

»How´d you sleep?«, Cas mumbled, voice vibrating through Dean´s body.

»Slept through for the first time in months«, he replied quietly. »You?«

»Same with me.«

...

»What do you think will happen now?«

»I have no idea. We will work things out though.«

»Good.«

...

»I don´t wanna move.«

»Me neither.«

»But Cas, I really need to pee.«

Then: »Nah, forget it, I still don´t wanna move.«

»We eventually have to Dean.«

»But has eventually need to be now?«, Dean said as he twisted and turned in Cas´arms until they were face to face.

Reading Castiel´s expression, he quickly brushed their noses and then sighed. »Onwards then.«

* * *

They exited the tent fifteen minutes later, their backpacks packed, sleeping bags tucked away, after they had shared one last kiss, before parting and pretending nothing happened. They had decided not to go out and tell everyone how beautiful the colors of the forest were. At least not now. Though they agreed to tell their brothers as soon as they were home.

* * *

 They ended up being the last people on the school parking lot. And maybe it was on purpose.

»Hey Cas,« Dean asked, touching him on the shoulder. The next words were rushed out quickly, hope and fear in Dean´s eyes.  »You wanna join me? My Dad won´t be home and well, I should tell my brother and I would love if you could come with me for support, please Cas?«

»Okay«, was Cas simply reply. As he turned to Dean he could see the gratitude in the others eyes.

»One step at a time, right?«

* * *

Dean opened the door after looking one more time at Cas, calling out for his brother: »Hey Sammy, I´m back.«

They were greeted with silence.

»Sammy?«, Dean almost yelled as he entered the hallway, Cas following suit.

Again no response.

»Sammy???«, Dean now was yelling, throwing doors open, scanning the rooms, panic rising in his chest.

Sam was nowhere to be found.

Dean´s eyes flicked through the rooms, searching for a paper, a note, anything that explained where his brother was. Just as he was about to entirely panic, Cas spoke.

»Why don´t you call him?«

Dean pointed to the mobile phone lying on the floor, the display shattered: »Can´t! I tell you something bad has happened here!  We Have To Find Him!«

Cas swallowed. »Okay, we will, don´t worry, I bet this will all turn out fine.«

Dean turned to him, desperation in his voice and breaths shallow: »He is my responsibility. It has to. Dad will kill me. I- I- GODDAMN IT!«

»We will find him«, Cas tried to calm Dean. »C´mon, we will go to my house and ask my brother for help. Six eyes can see more than four, right?«

Dean didn´t move.

»Right?«

Dean blinked. »Thanks Cas«, his voice was small.

* * *

 The lawn infront of the small house was neatly mown, Dean noticed as he waited anxiously for Castiel to unlock the door.

»Gabe?«, Castiel said as he entered.

The response came from the living room.

»Your brother´s name is Gabe?« Dean asked while Cas pocketed his keys.

»It´s short for Gabriel. We were all named after angels«, Cas stated.

Dean huffed, trying to work out why that name seemed to be somehow important to him.

They crossed the hall and turned around the corner.

Dean stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of a guy with rather long gold-ish locks sprawled on the couch. His arms were wound protectively around a smaller figure with chestnut hair that had buried itself in the others chest.  
Without stopping to lovingly caress the others back the guy spoke: »Cassie, please, don´t flip. He just fell asleep, I don´t want to wake him.«

Dean was still out of words, frozen in the doorway, staring at the small familiar figure in the stranger´s, Gabriel´s, arms, not able to comprehend what he was seeing.

»Sam?«

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :)  
> Love you all,  
> the shadowcat


	7. Gold-Brown and Blue-Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be two separate chapters, but somehow it ended being one short coda...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I am So sorry. My life has taken a trip downhill and I had to get it back on track before I could write the happing ending I was hoping for. I apologize and thank you for your patience. This chapter turned out nothing like I wanted but I hope you still like it.  
> The shadowcat

»How come you know my little Moose?«, Gabriel said, voice turning colder, a frown on his face.

»Your little wh- I- That´s my brother we are talking about you-«, Dean spluttered out, his breath picking up again, now coming in short puffs.

»Oh, you´re the brother«, Gabriel stated. »How come you know Cas?

Just as Cas was about to open his mouth, Sam stirred in Gabriel´s arms. He blinked sleepily, his voice slightly muffled: »Gabe, whassup, why ´re you talking so loud?«  
As he lifted his head and his eyes found Dean who was standing in the middle of the living room like a statue it took him exactly the blink of an eye to sober up and jump to the other end of the couch as far away from Gabriel as he possibly could.

»Dean, I´m sorry it´s not how it lo-«

»It is exactly how it looks!«, Gabriel cut in. »And if you have a problem with it like your asshole of a father then you can get lost too!«

Dean didn´t move.

He just stared blankely at the spot his brother had occupied a second earlier, trying to make sense of the words he just heard.

»Dean?«, both Sam and Cas asked in unision.

As if answering Dean muttered. »I will kill that bastard!« Tearing his eyes away from the couch he focused them on Sam. »What did Dad do to you?«

»Dean please don´t be mad«, Sam whispered.

»Oh I am mad alright, What HAPPENED?«, Dean raised his voice. When Cas tried to calm him by laying his hand on Dean´s shoulder he shrugged him off.

Sam tried to fold in on himself, making himself even smaller than he was, and the look Gabriel shot him was filled with so much love for the other, it broke Cas´heart.

»Dad came home earlier than we thought. Gabriel, or as you know him, Gabriella, and I were in my room, we weren´t doing anything, I swear, just talking and he, he came in and saw us and he just flipped and- I´m so sorry I didn´t tell you Dean!«

»Jesus Christ, Sam!«, Dean bit out, before storming towards the couch and gathering his little brother in his arms. »I´m the one who should be sorry!«

 

* * *

  

And that is the story of how the Novak brother´s witnessed a family drama unfold before their eyes.

Sam and Dean sat there, clutching at eachother, hugging eachother tight, and at one point, thugh Dean would deny that later, they were both shedding a tear.

And while they sorted their family business out their way, Gabriel and Castiel sat down and talked about it.

 

* * *

Things went downhill from there. And in a different way they didn´t.

John kicked his sons out of the house after he heard the news from Dean that he did not have one, but two sons who had found their mates in men. On the flip side, they got to move in with said mates.

Sam and Gabriel happened to be surprisingly often going out on dates, because let´s face it, once Dean and Cas got going they didn´t stop. And the walls were thin.

* * *

**Fast forward quite a few years...**

Dean was sitting on a park bench watching his daughter play in the sand box. Then one of the other kids gave her a playful shove. And just a second later his daughter came running towards him.

That kid was going to be in trouble if they had hurt his little princess.

»Daaaaddyyyy!«, his daughter squealed.

»Yes, Cookie?«, Dean answered. »What can I do for you?«

»Can I have an apple? Pleeeeease?«, she put on the puppy eyes she had learned from her uncle.

»Umm, sure...«, Dean said, not quite knowing what to make of his daughters behavior, but fishing a red apple from the back pack, handing it to his daughter.

She took it, staring intently at it, then the ground and last into his eyes.

»This apple is red, isn´t it?«, she asked after a moment of consideration.

»Yes«, Dean looked puzzled at his child.

»Thought so....«

»Thought so? Why?«

»Because it´s not the same color like your eyes. And daddy always calls them moss green. And the apple is not the color like the moss. And there are only red and green apples. That´s how I figured.«

And Dean sat there, dumbfounded as he saw his daughter walk back to the sand box, to the kid who shoved her, casually eating the apple.

Dean fished for his phone to tell Cas the incredible news. But then he had an incoming call. Sam.

»You are gonna be an uncle!!!!!«, he heard the excited voice of his brother through the line. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So watcha think?  
> R&R is very welcomed ;)  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat


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